Notes from "The Greatest Medical System In the World"

So earlier this year I had some routine tests done (Oh, relax - it was nothing) and I've been getting various bills from various places, as one does in situations like this.

Most of them I let sit for a while, because in my experience, they usually disappear or the balance goes down as they fight it out with the insurance company. But I kept getting one from a company called "Pediatrix Obstetrix" out of California, stubbornly insisting that I owed them $8.00.

It finally got to the point that they were threatening collections if I didn't pay the $8.00, so I called them up, and spoke to a woman with the demeanor of a coyote who had just swallowed a gallon of creosote. I explained that I haven't needed a Pediatrician since the Carter administration and that I have never had a need for an Obstetrician, but she was adamant that this was for an EKG that was done in February. She didn't know where it was done - other than someplace in Seattle - but she was certain that it was done, and that it was done to me, and that I owed her employer $8.00

Setting aside the whole issue of why a California company calling itself "Pediatrix Obstetrix" would be administering EKG tests (wouldn't they call themselves something like "Heartx"?) let alone in Seattle, I instead tried telling her that I have never had an EKG. The computer, I was informed, never lies. So just to get the whole thing closed, I paid the balance.

Now I know this was wrong, and that the fiscally responsible among you are squirming in your seats and making harumphing sounds, but really - what's a person to do? The dreadful call center woman was adamant, and calling my insurance provider (which I won't mention, but rhymes with "shwetna") would doubtless be just as vexing. Indeed, after dealing with both of those agencies, I might actually need that EKG I had just purchased a part of.

I am a big supporter of the path of least resistance: I had the money, its was a piddling sum, so why not pay it? Besides, there might be another Catalina Vel-Duray out there who actually had the test and was sweating out how and if it would be covered, and I believe in Doing My Part.

But it just shows what a stupid medical system we have in These United States: Most everyone gets some sort of basic coverage (although many get it too late to do any good, and when it's at it's most expensive) and it eventually mostly gets paid by someone, but not after a bunch of boorish people have put their grubby little hands on it and gotten their piddly little share of it. That's our glorious Free Market at work.

It really makes me want to go up to Vancouver for a weekend, plant myself on a barstool, and marry the first human who asks me, so that I can live comfortably up north, and laugh at the increasing Palinization of this country.

That's my grumpy little entry for the day. Now go about your business and leave me be. I'm sure I have some napkins to iron or something.